Eleven Ways Toddlers are like Drunks

I asked a friend of mine about his New Year’s Eve, and he responded candidly: “I don’t drink

anymore, so I find my drunk friends annoying. They either can't hold a conversation or they act crazy.”

In return, I joked that his night sounded like daily life with a toddler. My friend has a teenager, so he
commiserated about not missing those times. We started talking about how much toddlers remind us of drunk people in many uncanny ways. They both:

1) Can’t walk a straight line

2) Are loud and unruly in social situations

3) Spill their drink

4) Fall randomly

5) Cry 

6) Slur their words

7) Are prone to taking their clothes off in public

8) Have no sense of personal space

9) Spare no one the ugly truth

10) Suffer from memory loss

11) Shouldn’t operate heavy machinery

Toddlers and drunks are opposite in one important way though. When you are sober around a toddler, you really want a drink. When you are sober around drunks, you never want to drink again.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FRIENDS! May 2014 be a year of health, happiness, love and prosperity for you and yours.

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Life of the Party

I dared throw a party one time in high school, while my mom and step dad were out of town. It wasn’t my best decision ever. I spent the whole time sober, watching drunken people do stupid things.

The other night, Elmo landed on the floor in a way that suggested he'd had one too many.

I realized that inebriated teenagers and toddlers have much in common. 

Like living with a toddler, I witnessed lots of stumbling and falling down the night of that party. I cringed each time a heavy and/or breakable object was pitched in the air. The floor became a garbage can strewn with random debris. And people couldn’t seem to keep their voices down.

I felt like the “no” police spoiling all the fun. I repeated myself a lot. I expended way too much energy waiting for disaster to happen.

After the festivities were over, I was the sole person left to clean up the mess.

Thankfully, Claire hasn’t burned her bangs off trying to light a cigarette on the stove like Angie Shivle did that night.  Plus, I was this close to throwing everyone out. Things can get chaotic around chez Demas, but my love for my daughter always keeps me from cracking.

Most importantly, having Claire is my best decision ever.