Saturday, January 26, 2013

"Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful"

beauty pageant contenstants standing on stage

I was not, am not, nor will I ever be a South American beauty queen. My husband married me anyway. But a nagging question remains in the back of my head: Did he chose to marry me? Or was it because the South American beauty queen wouldn't give him the time of day?

I'm not willing to risk it to find out the answer. I'm sticking with the belief that he made the right choice rather than court that kind of temptation.

Of course, George tells me he picked me above all others. Of course, he's going to say that! He's smart enough to know what to say. And he probably actually believes that he actually had a shot with the South American beauty queen (insert eye roll here).

A woman sparked the rant above. Her name is Gabriella Gabriella*. I saw her on Facebook. You know, she's the one who's so beautiful you're compelled to say her name TWICE. When you click on her profile, you notice the name that's double the fun first. Next, you contemplate another set of twins -- two round, buoyant, FAKE boobs.

There she is in her cover photo taunting me…all twenty-something, tanned and bootylicious in her bikini like a Sports Illustrated model on some exotic beach somewhere with a trucker hat on instead of the requisite crown.

Gabriella Gabriella. She's the one Frank Evans* recommended to my husband as a BABYSITTER!

Did your jaw just drop like mine? Was your next thought, "Yeah, that's not happening"? Funny! So was mine!

Why in the world would I hire her? Would IBM hire someone if they presented themselves at the interview in their underwear? How about an applicant without a last name? I picture a giant, red, corporate rubber stamp on the front of that resume that reads "NO!" Can anyone give me a "MOM VETO"?

No! She's NOT babysitting my daughter. Her look screams that babysitting is a back-up plan on the road to larger pursuits.

Yet...my rush to judgment is not lost on me. Really, I'm not worried about my husband and Gabriella Gabriella. He and I love each other til death do us part. My judgment is because of her appearance, plain and simple. I admit it. Didn't I just write a post about wanting women to support one another more? I really had every intention of including women who've had boob jobs in my post!

I'm a hypocrite, guilty of reverse discrimination. Possibly, I'm passing on the best babysitter ever, because I'm not willing to give her a chance.

Luckily, I won't have to engage any deeper with my hypocrisy. Gabriella Gabriella is looking for a full-time nanny position. Not something we need here at Chez Demas. If we were looking for a nanny, though, I'd prefer to click on a picture more akin to Nanny McPhee than Giselle Bunchen.

In my superficial defense, I will leave you with this image to ponder:

Giselle Bundchen


*Names changed to protect the innocent

Photo Source: Khanh Hoa newspaper's reporter, Wikipedia

Connect with: FBTwitterG+Pinterest

82 comments:

  1. I'm cracking up! I wouldn't have hired Mz. Fake Boobies, either. Ya, ya, we shouldn't judge people by their looks, blah blah. But how about this? If your priority is to look like a porn star, I'm going to go ahead and not pay you to play with my son. In fact, I'm probably doing him a favor by hiring Nanny McPhee because then he will love her and realize that the best parts of us are on the inside. And not just inside a bra!
    Good call, friend. Good call.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I got the feeling that all of the brains were in the bra. But, hey, who knows?

      Delete
    2. I suppose she could be the next Nobel Prize winner who just happens to love having a 38DD. But probably not.

      Delete
    3. By the way, if I realized before that we shared "geriatric pregnancy" in common, I'd forgotten it (old age sucks). Wow. You might have to become my bloggie sister wife or something!
      I was barely hanging on to 40 when I had my son. All of my paperwork said "AMA." One day, I was dumb enough to ask what that stood for. The answer? Advanced Maternal Age. Fk.

      Delete
  2. Oh WHATEVER. If women want to be taken seriously, they should act in a serious manner. Women should support OTHER COMPETENT women, not just any floozy with two X chromosomes. That's my two cents. ;-) xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I had that reaction too. Along with the others. It's complicated!

      Delete
  3. Thanks for commenting on my blog, im LOVING your blof and have become a follower!! love love love it.. great stuff :D. This will be my new entertainment for my 5am feeds ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, thanks, Harley! I'm up a bit after you, but not much!!

      Delete
  4. Babushka says- BRAVO!! But of course a man suggested her... Good call mujer. BB2U

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BINGO! BB would definitely cut that chase. ; ) Here again from the weekend showcase. BB2U

      Delete
  5. LOL! Oh my, I think the same way and love Deb CG 's comment, competent women all the way!

    Thank you for linking up to Raising Imperfection!
    Make sure to check back on Friday to see if you were featured.
    Leslie

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hahahaha ... i saw this post in my Bloglovin feed and hadn't gotten around to reading it yet.
    Hysterical!
    I don't need my daughter growing up with any more of a complex than I am going to give her. LOL

    Thank you for linking your favorite blog post to Raising Imperfection.
    Please come back Friday to see if you were featured :)

    xoxo
    Lanaya
    www.raising-reagan.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm going with Nanny McPhee...and that's all I've got to say about that. he he he

    Visiting today from the Harvest of Friends blog hop. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Found your blog through the GFC collective... you have me cracking up! I would pick a Nanny McPhee type too!

    ReplyDelete
  9. If she's a good baby sitter, why not? Have a little faith in yourself and your husband. :)

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do. If she weren't looking for a full-time position, I'd probably get over my bad self and interview her, at least.

      Delete
  10. Stopping by from the Super Sunday Link Up. Now following along. I would love for you to stop by my blog and do likewise:)
    Angela
    http://angelabrabon.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm about ready to go out and hire a kid so I can hire this would be nanny! lol (Typical male statement, right?) Seriously, you have nothing to worry about. For years, I had a crush on Tanya Roberts, a movie star of the 80's. I drooled when I heard her voice and thought her to be one of the most beautiful women in the world. My wife survived that one. Now, if I can just survive her obsession with Patrick Dempsey, we might make it another 30 years together! Enjoyed!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, but would you invite Patrick Dempsey into your HOME, Rich?! That's the question...

      Delete
  12. Oh man, I must say I am with you all the way on this. I am not ugly or unfortunate, but still would not be hiring anyone prettier than me. I think it is just a rule of thumb. That image at the end says it all!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey Rachel,
    this was def a funny read. I think we're all "guilty," if you want to call it that, of this same exact attitude. I know I've certainly been.
    Thanks for linking up at the Monday Meet Up.
    Link backs are appreciated!
    Xxo
    I'm off to read your other post, Art Imitates Life.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Before I became a SAHM, I interviewed several nannies. Looks was always a factor. You could be the most secure with your own looks and all it takes is a pair of perfectly perky boobs to make you think twice! Nanny Mcphee for me. Thanks for linking up with the Messy Moms Messy Monday!

    ~Danielle~

    Messy Moms Radio : Unorganized Designs : Unorganized Chaos X 3

    ReplyDelete
  15. LOL! This was hilarious. And I totally get it. For me it's all about presentation. You're superhot? That's great. Enjoy it before you have to contend with gravity and stuff. And when you're at the beach or what not rock that bikini. But if you seriously want me to hire "OMG BOOBS!" is not a good first reaction to elicit. I'm not saying get frumpy but save the sexy for the pageant setting and dress like a regular person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, really, I'm just jealous of the pre-baby boobs!

      Delete
  16. Hey, I am right there with you in terms of the hypocrisy and reverse discrimination. I have so many thoughts on this topic, but I'm afraid to pour them out in my last hour of being awake, for fear of leaving a rant on your page! ;) Great post, though, and I am with you all the way! Well done, and awesome photo at the end...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I would have been fine with a rant. Now, I'm just going to have to imagine what you were going to say...

      Delete
  17. I think you definitely made the right decision. Many a "gentlemen's" film has started off with that exact storyline.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ha, ha! Gentlemen's film. I love it. You are sooo right!

      Delete
  18. Ha ha, my reaction would have been the same if my husband had suggested we hire a hottie hottie babysitter. Uh, yeah, no thanks. Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was definitely my first reaction. Given time, I might have gotten a little more open-minded. The operative word is might.

      Delete
  19. This is really funny. Great job. I'm stopping by from the lowercase letters link up - I missed the party but next time I'll make it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I agree. There is no way I would want fake boobies watching my kids. Bring on Nanny McPhee any day. This was too funny. Just loved it!!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. Nanny McPhee has my vote. Last time I had a gorgeous babysitter over (when my oldest was only 2) there was a bit of an embarrassing mishap--as we were preparing to leave, my boy grabbed the baby-sitter from the front and pulled her entire shirt down--exposing her absolutely-real-boobs. I could have sworn I heard my husband whisper, "Well played, son.." Funny post, Rachel!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course, you have a hilarious story to share, Marcia!

      Delete
  22. THis is hysterical. There is no way in hell would I ever hire someone like Gabriella Gabriella to babysit my kids- just saying! Mary Poppins for sure though!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary Poppins can come over here any time! I'd like her to babysit me!

      Delete
  23. Oh my goddddddddddddddddddd YES. So glad I found your blog! I have been searching and searching for any sort of anything that I can read online that doesn't want to make my punch myself in the face after thirteen seconds. So thanks for that. I think you'd like my blog too and I'm not just saying that because I want you to follow me. Serious. Don't be turned off by my fake boobs either, I live in Vegas, it's the only way I can have friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OK, best comment anyone has ever left on my blog. You said it, but I was surely thinking it about the insipid stuff you read online!

      Delete
  24. Judging someone on their looks can go both ways! Though for what it's worth, I wouldn't want miss bikini beauty queen babysitting my kids, either. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I definitely get it. My first reaction definitely wasn't my only one!

      Delete
  25. Too funny! I would feel the same way. Thanks for linking up!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yep, so NOT happening. Nanny McPhee and Mary Poppins are much more fun anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hadn't thought of Mary Poppins, but she's welcome here...

      Delete
  27. I understand. I did laugh anyway, but I understand. :P

    ReplyDelete
  28. I hear you. Of course back when I needed a sitter, I had plenty of grandma and aunty participation. I never had to worry about "the twins." :) I'd pick Nanny McPhee too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't imagine this woman ever being anyone's grandma!!

      Delete
  29. LOL! You painted a funny picture. Reminds me of a desperate housewives scene. I am not sure what I do in this situation. I guess it would depend on how she showed up at my door!

    -Karen
    www.yourstylistkaren.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too true. I hadn't interviewed her yet. Honestly, I probably would have gotten over my initial reaction. Really, everyone deserves a chance. Luckily, I won't ever have to worry about that, though!!

      Delete
  30. oh my! I would suggest she get a job at the make up counter in a dept store or Victoria secret and no longer seek employment from me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The photo looked like she knows her way around a lingerie store, that's for sure.

      Delete
  31. Yep, I'll probably be rolling with with Nanny McPhee! Found you at the Mingle with us blog hop and I really enjoyed my visit here. Thanks!
    Hop over to properhoney.com/blog.html

    xoxo
    Carica
    ProperHoney

    ReplyDelete
  32. Great post. Nanny McPhee all the way. Dear, oh dear Frank Evans.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thanks for the smile! Visiting from Bloggy Moms; Stop by and visit me at www.pushingonarope.com.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm sure in your husband's eyes you ARE a South American Beauty Queen. Although, just to be on the safe side, don't hire this woman as a babysitter ;) Why does she need to work as a nanny in any case? Really!
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now you're talking! That's exactly what I needed to hear! Makes me feel less intimidated by the blinding beauty!

      Delete
  35. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! You cracked me up! Stopping by from the "Weekend Social Mix Blog Hop" Happy New Follower!

    Tif
    Ramblings of a Southern Belle
    http://www.rambling-southern-belle.com

    ReplyDelete
  36. Visiting from Bloggy Moms Feb ,Hop. You are hilarious! When my kids were little we had au pairs and those thoughts always crossed my mind when looking at the applicants. Have a great weekend! Stacie xo

    ReplyDelete
  37. LOL......................Thank you for sharing at the Thursday Favorite Things hop xo P.S. the new giveaway started Friday :-)

    ReplyDelete
  38. Definitely a funny post, my friend! If I were the babysitter hiring type and just so you know I was not. If you have been following me long enough then you realize by now that I'm a total paranoid person and would NEVER subject my most precious treasures(my once wee ones) to the care of anyone else period.

    But, as I was saying, if I WERE the kind of person who was willing to hire someone to sit for my children then beauty and breast implants would not stop me from giving a gal the job, if she displayed the necessary skills to do the job.

    Mind you, I believe anyone who doesn't have children of their own cannot fully understand how to take care of other people's children. That being said, then I think it would be next to impossible to find someone to do the job because of their youth & inexperience not their drop-dead appearance.

    This was totally a good read. I loved your perspective and honesty of how you actually feel. Miss South Africa like all beauty Queens are only young for a season, but mothers are beautiful forever!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love your honesty! And I love the last bit! You are speaking some truth!

      Delete
  39. If it crosses your mind, it will cross your husbands mind. You trust your husband as much as I trust mine but I wouldn't hire her because I know I would be paranoid about what he was thinking & then arguements can start. Best for all involved not to hire her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would add some complications, for sure!

      Delete
  40. hahaha! I can't stop laughing here. But what can we do? even if we don't want to discriminate and well, ok, give women who look like porn stars, the benefit of doubt that they are just looking for a clean and honest way to earn money, well as a mother and wife, I wouldn't want somebody looking like that near my husband and children!

    First, she looks like she'd just want to hook up with the father of my children and 2nd, the children will get confused as to what/how is the proper way of dressing in this society! What can I do, I still have the conservative and family-oriented mentality of mothers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too funny! I have really mixed feelings about it!!

      Delete
  41. I believe wholeheartedly in respecting ALL women and think most of us spend way too much judging eachother and way too little time being supportive.

    That said.....I completely understand where you're coming from and would have reacted in the exact same way!

    We're only human,right?
    :o)

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...