Saturday, January 5, 2013

Not Bringing Sexy Back

Mark Wahlbert
NOTE: This image marginally fits the post. But how could I resist?

The low point in my pregnancy was when I would sit alone in front of the television each night at 3AM and watch late night poker, because nothing better was on and I had nothing better to do.

Insomnia set in during my third trimester, at which time my nose decided to shut down operation between the hours of Midnight and 6AM. The instant I fell asleep, I would wake up with the sensation of being suffocated. I also felt like an invertebrate. An overabundance of the pregnancy hormone Relaxin made my body conform to whatever surface I was lying on, rendering sleep extremely uncomfortable.

Thinking back on it now, there isn't much about pregnancy that I would care to retain -- not the sleeplessness, nor the forty pound weight gain that went entirely to my backside, nor the ill-fitting, over-priced, and unfashionable clothes. 

Don't get me wrong, I loved feeling Claire grow in my body and getting to the other side of pregnancy. I would endure such suffering again in a heartbeat to have her.

But when I hear someone say, "I just loved being pregnant", I want to punch them in the face (apologies ahead of time if you are one of these women).

One remnant of pregnancy remains, however. My choice in underwear. I was ignorant of the splendor of granny panties before I was pregnant. Now, it's hard to imagine abandoning their comfort. Sure, Natori, Victoria Secret and the occasional La Perla have a place in my underwear drawer. But they sit at the back of the drawer neglected. Really, I contemplate going back to them, breaking my new habit.

But who knew large swaths of cotton fabric could be too comfortable to give up?

I feel a little funny picking up a pack at Walmart. I mean, come on, a pack? Men's underwear come in a pack, not a lady's lingerie. Even the brand names aren't sexy for women. Hanes and Fruit of the Loom scream out man shorts and tighty whities to me. They're even called "briefs" to add insult to injury! 

But by the time I get to the register, I want to tell the checkout lady or anyone who will listen that there's no reason to  be ashamed of feeling comfortable. After all, I wouldn't endure the pain of a brazilian wax in the name of sexiness. Why should my philosophy about undergarments be any different?

Plus, I sacrificed enough comfort during pregnancy and labor to earn the right to wear whatever the hell underwear I want!

On the home front, I feel a little less sure of myself. I haven't been able to bring myself to ask my husband what he thinks of this turn of events. I'd love to think that he'd tell me he finds me sexy in a potato sack (I mean my man looks pretty hot in long underwear, to my eye). Unfortunately, even if he did give me a compelling argument about why I should bring sexy back, I doubt I'd listen to him. 

To repeat, granny panties are just too comfortable to give up. 

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84 comments:

  1. Yep, pretty much. I actually tried wearing a set from pre-kids (read: very sexy, uncomfortable and now ill-fitting). After about 5 minutes I gave up and decided to go commando. I bridge the gap between granny panties and sexy by buying the cotton hi light briefs or bikinis (I shop cacique at LB but VS has them too) or even the string bikini. I get my comfy cotton undies and that little string just adds something a little extra sexy for him :)

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    Replies
    1. I'll have to try Cacique (for him, not for me!)

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  2. YES YES YES!!!! Yay to the granny panties! Gone are the days of thongs--who the hell wants to wear a string up their butt crack, anyway? Oh, I have a drawer full of stuff that would make Victorias Secret jealous, but by now they probably are covered in cobwebs. After having 4 kids I don't have time to bring sexy back--unless the hubs whisks me away for a night on the town and a decent hotel room. GREAT post--had me laughing all the way because I am SO with you on this one, my Sista! Smoochies! XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sent a holla out to you on my Fb page--hopefully send some of my bloggy buddies to your site!

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    2. Aw, thanks, my soul sista! Big hugs and kisses to you to!

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  3. Just came across your page. Great post! Hope you stop by and visit me as well! www.mendezmanor.com

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  4. Lol! Love this. And any woman who "loves" being pregnant is either smoking crack or psychotic. Or both, in which case I feel awful for her mutant baby.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ha, ha, ha! Mutant baby! I had to read this to my husband!

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  5. I have not had a child and I still prefer the large swaths of cotton!

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  6. Ha!! 1) I also hated being pregnant. I wrote a post about it somewhere but I can't remember where, because my brain is insufficiently oxygenated. 2) I still wear thongs (cotton ones, though) because my butt is shaped such that no matter WHAT I wear, it all ends up as a thong. So... better a thin cotton strip than bunched up "boy shorts". You feel me? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I know that riding up quality. There's something about the thinness of the cotton on the Hanes that makes them NOT ride up! I'm telling you...

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  7. Haha ~ Reminds me..I need to get me some!

    xoxo
    Lanaya
    www.raising-reagan.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marginally?? Who cares...it's Marky Mark!

      Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection!
      Please come back Friday to see if you were featured :)

      Lanaya
      www.raising-reagan.com

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    2. Oh, I knew I loved you...Granny panties AND love for Marky Mark! Too much!

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    3. Hey pretty mama ~ I featured your post today over at Feature Fridays!
      http://raising-reagan.com/2013/01/11/feature-friday-week-10/

      xoxo
      Lanaya
      www.raising-reagan.com

      Delete
  8. I would love to punch the pregnancy lovers too!! The heart burn, insomnia, backpain and then gestational diabetes do not make for a fun 9 months!! Love granny undies too and I love Marky Mark!!

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  9. Funny, I finally after three years unboxed those thongs I had to wear with the tight assed jeans. Its just not the same anymore. I prefer full bottom coverage, maybe not so much as the granny panty, but definitely more material seems better than less! LOL!

    Awesome post! I snorted a bit while reading it. ;)

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  10. I myself have been a connosieur of "Granny" panties way before I was a granny. Not the cottons, but the silky ones with the tummy flattening panels have always been my choice. And ladies, BB has been married 2 times (going on her third) and my style in undies hasn't wavered in over 35 years- so sexy is what you make of it. ; ) BB2U

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  11. LOL this post is hilarious!!! I agree with BB above ~ Sexy is what you make of it!

    Paula
    lifeasweknowitbypaula.blogspot.com

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  12. My mom would kill me for saying this but she won't see it, she swears by men's whitey tightys, she says they are the most comfortable underwear to sleep in. LOL

    Thanks for sharing your favorite post at Raising Imperfection! We feature our favorites on Friday, make sure to come back and check.
    Leslie
    www.violetimperfection.com

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  13. Amen! Granny-pantying it up with you, Rachel (and wanting to punch all those perky pregnant ladies in the face too!). You're a gal after my own heart ;)

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  14. Plus, I sacrificed enough comfort during pregnancy and labor to earn the right to wear whatever the hell underwear I want! - Amen to that! lol! I did not have a fun, easy pregnancy either so I hear you on that part. I have gone back to the lacy underwear but there are days when I reach for the the big cotton ones :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congrats for finding your way back to the dark side! I really wish I could join you there. Alas, I don't think it's going to happen!

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  15. Haha, I agree. To the horror of my husband. I still sport the pregnancy panties especially at night. And the nursing bras. Don't think I'll ever be rid of them!

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    Replies
    1. I'm afraid to ask my husband what he thinks. He's been nice enough not to let me know!

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  16. Inspiration in the form of underwear - interesting perspective there! As long as it makes you happy I'm all for it.

    Thanks for linking up :)

    Sarah @ A Cat-Like Curiosity

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  17. Yay for granny panties!!! My husband wishes I'd always wear Victoria Secrets thongs, well maybe one day I'm make HIM wear one and see how comfortable he feels with a string up his butt.

    ooh Marky Mark is HAWT.
    Come and have a cocktail sometime
    www.cocktailsatnaptime.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Ha, ha! YES! Every man should have to wear a thong! I wish I had thought of that for the post. That would have put it over the top. Although, I'm super glad that you shared it!

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  18. LOL! I am all about comfort! Seriously, you should see my collection of granny pants! I can so relate to the 3 AM watching mindless tv. Oh those were the days!

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  19. Hilarious post! I am with you on the comfort thing...I have a childless friend who *insists* that thongs are comfortable... I just can't get on board that train. She also opted for complete laser hair removal of her *entire* bikini area. I wanted to say, "After you've had a few kids, you may wish for that back, and it will be too late!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Stephanie! Wow, even if I could do a laser thing, I wouldn't. What's the attraction? I just don't get it.

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  20. LOL!!!! Hola Rachel! Yaay! Here's to Hanes and Fruit of the Loom and to Wal-mart where I get mine too! OUCH! to the Brazilian bikini wax and hellooooo sexy to Mark Walhberg!!! That pictures makes me say Jeeeeeeeesuuus in an opera high pitch voice! Great post!

    ~SimplyyMayra ;)

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    Replies
    1. Mayra, I LOVE this comment! You made my day..."opera high pitch voice". Priceless! YOU are priceless!

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  21. Go the granny undies, however there are some things that they just can't be worn with! I have a friend who has always said she loves being pregnant, she is nearing the end of her third and is very much over it, especially with the heat!

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  22. I'm with you on this one as well! Walmart does have great colors in their selection of Granny Panties! Found you through the blog hop!

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  23. Sorry, but I loved being pregnant. Maybe after 20+ years, I've forgotten what it was like.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't worry. I promise I won't punch you! :)

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  24. I loved being pregnant in the way I don't remember the pain of child birth. It's God's way of making sure I reproduce again I guess. :)

    Diana @ Nanny2Mommy
    http://mrsdchastain.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! I seem to remember. Maybe that's why I'm not having another!

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  25. I just stopped by through Mingle Monday on Megnificent Life. I saw your picture of Mark Wahlberg and I had to click it.

    Katie
    www.thesmallchangeproject.com

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    Replies
    1. It's literally that compelling, isn't it?

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  26. Too funny! Thanks so much for sharing with the Tuesday Baby Link Up community!

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  27. Getting the package of underwear in bikini style is about as sexy as I get, lol!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Thanks for stopping by the bog hop.
    Would love for you to follow along!

    Lauren
    www.millermemoires.com

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  29. Found you on the Wednesday Walkabout. Can't say I agree with the granny panties, thing -... but to each their own, and I loved your post regardless.

    I had an easy pregnancy with my first, but my second was a very active baby and having to chase a toddler while she punched me from the inside (sometimes hitting a nerve by my belly button that would double me over in pain) was not fun. There are women who have exceptionally easy pregnancies - and they are truly blessed! (Or delusional, but I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like it better when women say they had "an easy pregnancy" than when they say they "loved being pregnant". Somehow, it feels less like they are trying to brag and/or be better than me. Maybe, I'm overreacting though.

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  30. no way!!! abort those granny panties!!! you owe it to yourself and your husband and your kids to feel sexy and be sexy! the effort is worth it.

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    Replies
    1. I think I understand why you have so many kids, Annmarie! :)

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  31. I agree! They are so comfy. And really, Hubs thinks naked is sexier than any sort of lingerie- so I can just ditch the granny panties and he won't care!

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  32. Totally laughing here at the post and Menopausal Mamas comment. I like boy shorts, because most days I do don't enjoy a string up my butt crack. Wow, can't believe I just said that! But really, unless I am wearing something that needs no panty lines, then I'm sticking to boy shorts. Cute ones though.

    Thanks for linking up this week for the Followers to Friends Blog Party!

    Sherry @ I AM PISCES
    Followers to Friends Blog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MM is my girl! Boy shorts are good too. And thanks for saying "butt crack" on my blog! :)

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  33. I completely agree with you on comfort, because I have some "granny panties" too. Although, I do bust out the sexy every no and then, usually for a date with the husband. I give a reason to bring sexy back, and I believe that there has to be a special time to, otherwise what is the point.

    Keep rockin' granny.

    Amanda @3lilapples a new follow courtesy of A Complete Waste of Makeup

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    Replies
    1. Special occasions are fine...because then the panties don't stay on for very long! :)

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  34. Comfortable is nice, but sexy...well, cotton underwear isn't the number for turning sex appeal up in either yourself or your hubs. You could just skip the undies altogether and tell him you're totally convenient to see what reaction you get. I'm confident, it'll get his motor going and yours, too without the high priced undies. :) Thanks for linking up!

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  35. Comfy is the name of the game for everyday. I don't want to be thinking about my underwear when there are a million other things to do. Save the pretty stuff for special.

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    Replies
    1. Special=Not on for very long...fine by me!

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  36. Hello from Harvesting Kale's Currently! Please visit my blog & follow, if you haven't already. :)

    Kristina
    http://www.yomichaelmichael.com

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  37. I never enjoyed being PG. Hated every minute. I found you from the Thirsty Thursday BH

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    Replies
    1. I think the women who do are either rare or lying.

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  38. Oh thank you for reminding me of that perk of pregnancy! Here I've been wallowing in morning sickness and I completely forgot that I get to bust out the granny panties here soon!

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    Replies
    1. Yay! But I hope you get over morning sickness too...

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  39. hi. I'm from blog hop. Loving reading thru your posts. I have to come back and read some more. A lovely daughter you have. I dont have any granny panties, BUT, probably only because I have 1 daughter and 2 daughter=in-laws all in their 20's and they would disown me if I wore them. I guess I really try to keep up with them. But they do keep me young.

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    Replies
    1. It's because you don't know how comfy they are! :)

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  40. Don't punch me, but I happen to be one of those women who says she loved being pregnant. And I believe that. The husband believes differently. He says that while pregnant, I complained constantly about the fatigue, the swelling, the discomfort, the nausea, the insomnia, etc., etc. Hmmm. Looks like that whole pregnancy memory suck thing is working in my favor. Don't remember any of that! LOL!

    Great post! Must agree that granny panties are VERY comfy!

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  41. New follower from the bloghop:)

    http://oddparent.blogspot.dk/

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  42. Granny panty wearer here white only. Love the feature photo, did not know what to expect but quite amused. Comfort is key at forty for me now. Following and here from Blog Hop @1 Epic Mom

    http://initialcharmer.com

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  43. Oh yes! I had the exact same turn of events post pregnancy. Your post gave me the laugh I needed today. Thanks for joining the Tuesday Baby Link Up. I hope to see you again this week!

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  44. you were saying about the insomnia. I'm not pregnant, but have GAD (anxiety) and it causes me to be awake a lot of the time, especially if i have something on my mind that I haven't yet settled. the tv in england at night is just diabolical! my mum is in her final part of pregnancy (due in 7 days!!!) and she says she gets insomnia an awful lot! :(

    i found your blog through blog hop by the way, and have followed you :)
    http://inyoureyesphotogandinspo.blogspot.co.uk/
    xo

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  45. Oh yes, I am all about the granny underwear. I wear sexy lingerie for my man on occasion, but on average it's all about the granny panties. They are far more comfortable, and more practical when your chasing three kids around. Instead of feeling like I have a string up my behind to boot. ;)

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