Monday, July 15, 2013

In the Scheme of Things

Sharing a post written when Claire was an infant:

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I told George that our baby, Claire, was born carrying all her eggs inside her tiny body. He asked in amazement, “So you’re telling me she has our grandchildren inside her already?” I said, “Well, if she has children, yes."

Right now, it’s all beautiful potential.

Claire was a promise for me for a long time as well. Nine months in my belly, yet the possibility of her has been inside of me for my whole life. That must say something about the psychic bond between mother and child. For Claire and me, it’s been a particularly long journey. Forty-four years together, then George joined the mix and she became her own separate person. I like to believe that she was born wise, because she lived forty-four years as part of me before she started her own life.

It’s a wonder she or any of us are born at all. Remember when they used to give a prize to the thousandth customer to walk through the department store doors? It’s kind of like that. One lucky somebody gets to be the thousandth customer, but many, many more need to make up the nine hundred ninety-nine who go before.

And that’s just the half of it, literally. You get one shot to swim better than 300 million others or so.

Right from the start, the male and female impulse seem so contrary – on the feminine side, hanging out patiently and waiting for just the right moment to take the plunge, on the male, jumping from the gate and enduring the race. With each, there’s an indefinable measure of grace.

As I look at her sleeping, she is so substantially her, so uniquely Claire. The seeming randomness of it all makes me shiver.


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42 comments:

  1. Beautiful post and feel so much of the same when I look my own two beautiful little girls (especially when they sleep and are so peaceful. Loved the way you looked at this though and thank you for sharing!!

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  2. Such a beautiful post. We are so lucky to have our children, and it is so much easier to appreciate that when they are sleeping :)

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    1. ha, ha! I do appreciate my daughter more when she is asleep, that's for sure!

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  3. I love this. Isn't it magical to have someone with whom you are so connected? And so amazing what miracles we all are.

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  4. I know, it's just incredible when u think of all the combinations and permutations of possibilities that could eventuate ... It makes u realise each and every one of us is a miricle. I had never really stopped to think how amazing it is that my daughter was born with all her thousands of eggs already inside her. That's so unfathomally beautiful.

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    1. I like that "combinations and permutations of possibilities"! We are miracles!

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    1. Aw, thanks, Jen. You are so sweet. I like the combination that became you!

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  6. Beautiful post! Sometimes it hurts to think about it all because it is so amazing.

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    1. I know, right? It hurts. Isn't that crazy. Excellent point!

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  7. You are such a skilful user of words and fomulator of thoughts (yes, I think I made that word up) that I am constantly in awe. This is so perfectly said. The possibility of Claire living with you for fourty four years, then George joining. So accurate, so exactly how I would have wanted to put this!

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    1. Thank you, Katia! It's crazy to think about.

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    1. Aw, Stephanie! Another great combination in you!

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  9. Rachel,
    This is amazingly beautiful. I have never thought about the fact that our children live their potential lives in our bodies for all of ours. I got goosebumps. Seriously. I love this and commend you on so eloquently using your words to make me think and appreciate life more, today.

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    1. I couldn't ask for a lovelier response to this post. Thank you, Kristi! You are such a gift!

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    1. It is. There is no way to think about it without feeling amazed.

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  11. When all of the forces in the universe suddenly click together to create . . .that one perfect little human. It's truly amazing! Thank you for the little reminder! Loved this post!

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  12. I hadn't seen this before, so I'm SO glad you shared it again. I had heard that before about all of our eggs in us from the get-go, but I had never, ever thought about it this way. Rachel, you are always so profound. I LOVED this!

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    1. Aw, you made my day, Shay! Thank you for your words.

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  13. You always put things so beautifully. You really have a gift Rachel!

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    1. Thank you, Jen. What a lovely thing to read from you.

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  14. Just catching up with your blog again. What a delightful post. "Seeming randomness" says it all for me. Seeming. Yet not even possibly random, from another perspective.

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    1. Yes! I put those two words together on purpose. I agree!

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  15. Love. That is all. :-) Upcycling is good. I'm glad you shared this again, Rachel!

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    1. I'm glad you approve, Sarah! Your opinion is important to me!

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  16. This is so wonderful and so true. Love the part that she is so "uniquely Claire." Because any other egg, sperm, night of conception, etc., would have created a different child. So amazing.

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    1. She is absolutely "uniquely Claire"! No other way to describe it. And I love that about her and the world.

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  17. When my son sees pictures of our wedding day he asks where he and his sister are. We tell them "right there with mama." It was so sweet how you put this.

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  18. Beautiful. And so true. I look at my daughter's face and can't picture ANY OTHER FACE. Even though I know there are a million (way more than a million) other combinations of DNA that could have existed. And with all that I am POSITIVE she is the best combination that could have ever been created. It's amazing.

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