Then she added, "After I leave here, I 'm going to take a nap and then my friends are taking me out."
Ah, youth. I had nearly forgotten. Then, she nonchalantly mentioned sleep and I remembered. She's 21. She's not a mom.
I found her lack of reverence for sleep breathtaking. She announced taking a nap at night like it was a given. It signified the ability to sleep with abandon, to run fast and lose with it, like a profligate. She might as well have been discussing inhaling and exhaling instead of the exotic treasure to be coveted that sleep has become to me.
She says stuff off the cuff with no idea how it stops me in my tracks. One time, I asked her about her trip home to visit her family. She came out with this beaut, "I only got to lay out once."
Lay out? First, I don't need any more wrinkles, thank you very much, Ms. Flawless Twenty-Something Skin Girl. Second, do you know how much I would give for the time to lie my body in a horizontal position in the sun with the sole responsibility of baking my front and backside evenly (and, dare I say it...sleeping)?
I think about sharing how different our respective perspectives are, but I know she just wouldn't understand. So I just nod, as if I'm commiserating about the horrible tragedy that befell her while sitting at home and cursing the grey skies above.
I was 21. I understand her. It took her reminder, but I remember. When you're 21, you have long stretches of time to fill at your leisure. Napping is something you take for granted, tan lines a major preoccupation.
She can't possibly comprehend how something as commonplace as sun-worshipping turns into a huge indulgence for the mom of a toddler. As it should be. Really, I didn't grasp what an overwhelming, non-stop responsibility a child is either, until becoming a mom.
The funny thing is that I didn't feel jealous of her carefree ways, certainly not about the laying out bit. Being 21 may mean a world of possibility is ahead of you, but I also remember a lot of confusion about what direction to take in life and many missteps along the way.
I can appreciate the privilege of youth without wanting to go back. Rather bizarrely, I feel more rested just thinking about napping after dark.
I am vicariously sleeping. Is there such a thing? There is now.
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This reminds me of that SATC episode on the difference between your 20s and 30s, with Carrie and the crew under umbrellas on the beach while cute 20-somethings roast like piglets in the sun.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand your awe and also the idea of not wanting to go back. Yes, I want more sleep and to be able to "lay out" with abandon. But I don't want any of the other things I had when I was 21: the insecurity, the grasping, the loneliness.
Good post, as usual!
The funny part is that all I see in my babysitter is the carefree youth part. I wonder if the angst is there, hidden by the flawless skin and bounce in her step!
DeleteYeah, I like where I am now. I think I would love where I am now if sleep was more active in my life. And I cannot even blame the girls! Boo slept through the night and I was still up at 5am :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes, we are our own worst enemies, Kerri! Now...get some sleep!
DeleteTo be young again and yes I did live that life once upon a time ago, too. But like you, I wouldn't go back either. Would love a bit more sleep, but wouldn't trade my life (husband and kids) for it.
ReplyDeleteSleep is a worthwhile trade-off for family, in my book too, Janine!
DeleteI love this post! It's so easy to remember the good things about being twentysomething: the feeling of possibility, the long stretches of leisure time, the carefree hours with friends. But I also remember the intensity and confusion of that time. I think I have so much more perspective now. During my twenties I felt so much like I was a flailing and confused not-quite-adult. I like being a thirtysomething grown up! But I do miss sleeping until 10 a.m., just because I felt like it!
ReplyDeleteThe sleeping in is the thing I miss the most, clearly, much more than laying out. Although I would like to be able to think about laying out, if I wanted to! I'm so glad you liked the post, Jessica!
DeleteHaha I don't have kids yet but I can't even relate to 21 year olds anymore.
ReplyDeleteAh, Jen, I've seen your posts about some of the concerts you go to! Are you sure you don't have some 21-year-old blood in there? Come on, fess up, woman!
Deleteits like you stole the words right out of my mouth! Oh to lay out!
ReplyDeleteI don't know how much I really miss laying out, but I definitely miss being able to contemplate it!
DeleteFirst of all, YES!!! My mom came up with "shopping vicariously" a few years ago. It involves butting into someone's shopping venture, advising them and experiencing a high. To a degree. I am at a very melodramatic stage with my sleep and I'll take anything and any advice I can get!
ReplyDeleteAlso, you've defined it perfectly. Generation gap may not exist, age is just a number blah blah, but once you've had a child? There's that generation gap!
Yay! I feel validated with the "shopping vicariously" bit! I'm not alone!
DeleteAwesome job as always, Rachel! God, to take a nap at 9pm and then go out. Those were the days in so many ways but you're right - they were also directionless and iffy and confusing. Plus, for me, full of some bad choices. But man were they fun.
ReplyDeleteOh and if I could go back and slap myself for one thing that I did in my youth, it would be for tanning so much. Dumb dumb me. It is so relaxing though...
There was something about that time that just felt so contingent to me. I like where I am now, more. I feel more grounded and connected to people. I like it.
DeleteI totally get this post. My two grown children remind me what youth is like, and I appreciate it, but I don't want to go back either. I've liked all of the steps in my life, and I like this one too. :)
ReplyDeleteRosey, that's so awesome that you have appreciated every time in your life! I've seen pictures of your lovelies, and they are beautiful.
DeleteI started a post about my babysitter once. I remember looking at her, her hair was all scrunched up on her head, she was wearing a ripped up sweatshirt - she was all ready to play with a boy all day. And she looked awesome. Ahhh...
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile you are right. I would not go back to my 20's for anything. This is where I want to be!
The vain, superficial part of me would love that flawless skin of my babysitter's. But I've earned every nook and cranny of every fine line and wrinkle!
DeleteVicariously sleeping... hope it works better than BB's vicariously losing weight. ; ) And don't worry about the missed sleep Bella, it'll catch up to you once you hit 50 and can't go a full 10 hours w/out yawning. BB2U
ReplyDeleteFifty is not that far away, BB! Good luck with the vicarious diet. If you can figure that one out, you could make millions!
ReplyDeleteI think back to my fun days of 21 too, but don't want to go back there. Have a wonderful husband, beautiful daughters and a pastor for a son (well three are from my husband's former marriage.) I only had one toddler in my life. Those were the days of love and fun. Thanks for sparking the memories.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny. Everyone has said the same thing about not wanting to go back! Having life experience is a good thing!
DeleteSleep? It's funny. When I had my babies, sleep was that often sought, never achieved state. Now that my babies have their own babies, I have long, blissful nights, perfect for sleeping. AND CAN'T SLEEP!!! Sigh.
ReplyDeleteBeing an old mama, I'm afraid that this will be the state of affairs for me, when Claire finally starts sleeping more!
DeleteSometimes I wish I could be so carefree again, but I was miserable and lonely then. Life is so much better with my little man. Wouldn't trade him for the world (even for some sleep)! :)
ReplyDeleteFrom the comments here, Jessica, it appears that you are not alone in these sentiments!
DeleteHa! My husband's younger brother and his wife - both still in their twenties - are expecting their first child in January. We have commented often to ourselves sin they made their announcement how much their lives are about to change. They THINK they know how it will change. I'm pretty sure they have no clue! :-)
ReplyDeleteYup. They have no idea what's in store for them!
DeleteWhen I was that age, I remember taking naps. Napping between classes in the afternoon, napping after work, napping in the middle of the weekend. How crazy is that! God, I miss that life!
ReplyDeleteI know! Even the word "nap" just sounds so luxurious to me!
DeleteI remember the days of carefree sleeping. I also remember being able to stay up most of the night and be okay on three hours of sleep! Not so much. I am able to grab a few minutes of shuteye in the afternoons, but not because my children necessarily let me, it's from pure exhaustion! However, as much as there are some things I would love to be able to do again like spontaneously sleeping or having time to lay under a tree and read a good book, just like you I wouldn't trade it for the world. :-)
ReplyDeleteI always needed my sleep. That's why I write about missing it so. I really do miss it!
DeleteI LOVE sleep but gave most of it up when I started blogging. 4-5 hours tops is it for me. But I DO take a power nap every Sunday afternoon to get refreshed for the week.
ReplyDeleteYou are a better woman than me, Marcia! Cannot do it.
DeleteI love to sleep but have to give up due to campus placement :( .. well jotted down .. :)
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with that, Ankur!
DeleteJust this past Sunday I was thinking about something along the same lines. I remember being in my 20's living alone and always being so bored and lonely on Sundays. Now Sundays are the complete opposite. The house is so filled with chaos and I have so much to do that there is not enough time. As much as my head was spinning with all of the noise and mess I had to think back to those Sundays in my 20's and remind myself how awful those were!
ReplyDeleteIt's true. There's always a good side and a bad side.
DeleteAahhhhh, I can barely remember a time my sole responsibility was baking my front and back evenly :D
ReplyDeleteRight? It seems almost unfathomable, doesn't it? Yet, it was a reality. A distant one, but a reality.
DeleteAnother awesome post! I often marvel at how young and immature (not in a bad way, just a lack-of-life-experience way) our babysitters are. They simply have no concept of the responsibility that comes with having kids, or even being married, owning a home, etc. Like you, I don't really envy them, but I just wonder if I seemed so ...young?...when I was younger :).
ReplyDeleteI just realised last week the my babysitter is closer in age to my kids than she is to me, and that they were all just waiting for me to leave so they could have some fun!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness I remember laying out. I vaguely remember sleep, too. I'd take some vicarious sleep any day. Loved the post - you're funny!
ReplyDeleteHaha, wow yes...a couple of years ago when I had only 2 kids my younger sister lived with us and she would lay out in the sun, read books, sleep whenever she felt like it...and I just grumbled and glared whenever she came in as the dishes stacked up. Well, she's about to get married and someday soon I'm gonna say "remember when?!!!" I still wouldn't trade places though
ReplyDelete