Thursday, January 2, 2014

Eleven Ways Toddlers are like Drunks

I asked a friend of mine about his New Year’s Eve, and he responded candidly: “I don’t drink
anymore, so I find my drunk friends annoying. They either can't hold a conversation or they act crazy.”

In return, I joked that his night sounded like daily life with a toddler. My friend has a teenager, so he
commiserated about not missing those times. We started talking about how much toddlers remind us of drunk people in many uncanny ways. They both:

1) Can’t walk a straight line

2) Are loud and unruly in social situations

3) Spill their drink

4) Fall randomly

5) Cry 

6) Slur their words

7) Are prone to taking their clothes off in public

8) Have no sense of personal space

9) Spare no one the ugly truth

10) Suffer from memory loss

11) Shouldn’t operate heavy machinery

Toddlers and drunks are opposite in one important way though. When you are sober around a toddler, you really want a drink. When you are sober around drunks, you never want to drink again.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FRIENDS! May 2014 be a year of health, happiness, love and prosperity for you and yours.

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  1. Rachel this is so funny!! And it's so true!! Thanks for a well needed giggle tonight!

  2. Funny as its true!! Happy new year to you guys.

  3. Absolutely spot on, Rachel - just love it!

    Happy New Year.

    Kate x
    Kate at Home

  4. Very funny. Very true. #12. On really bad nights, they wet the bed.

  5. Ha! Spare no one the ugly truth... H has taken to informing me when daddy needs to poop based on his, ahem, noises. Argh.

  6. HELLO- isn't that last part the truth? During my pregnancies, it always becomes apparent how annoying drunk people are. Or, well... everyone was annoying to me. Still, I get it and this was hilarious.

  7. Rachel! You're hilarious and brilliant and this is so true! I love the ending :)

  8. I particularly like #7. For both toddlers and drunks.

  9. Haha, thanks for making me laugh! Toddlers definitely are one of a kind. Happy New Year to you!

  10. Ha to the ending, and oh so true! :)

  11. Ha, so true. The stumbling around, dropping food in their tracks, leaving nothing sacred-- toddlers and drunk people!

  12. Hilarious! This is precisely why I no longer drink and am glad I am not a toddler. This is great, Rachel!

  13. don't forget: speak at inappropriate volumes!


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