1) Count the number of times she wakes up while trying to put her down.
2) Count the number of times she wakes up for seemingly no reason at all.
3) Count the number of times she wakes up because your husband or pet makes unexpected, loud, jarring noises.
4) Make a list of the strange positions you assume to get your baby to sleep.
5) Make up adult lyrics to Rock-A-Bye Baby.
6) Make up child-friendly lyrics to songs from the Eighties.
7) Count the number of times you have to sing You Are My Sunshine before she goes to sleep.
8) Make a list of things you’ve learned to do with one hand.
9) Make a list of things you’ve learned to do with your teeth, feet and/or toes.
10) Make a list of things that you wish you could do with one hand and/or with your teeth and/or feet and/or toes.
11) Imagine what the creature would look like that is capable of holding all of the things needed to get your baby to sleep.
12) Imagine yourself alone on a Caribbean Island.
