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My husband did our taxes this year. All I had to do was sign the bottom to make it official. Simple enough. Until, I saw what he had listed next to my name as occupation. Evidently, I am a "Homemaker". Indeed, the top of the form indicated that it was the 21st century. For a split second I thought it was 1952 instead. Then, I remembered that I'm not at home making meatloaf, shining silver or adding just the right amount of starch to freshly-washed shirt collars, as I imagine the happy homemaker did in her day.
Anyway, I went ahead and signed the form because a) the IRS just wants our money, b) I was much obliged to my husband for doing the taxes, in the first place, and c) I'm just as confused as George is about the nature of my newfound occupation.
In my mind, the term "Stay-At-Home-Mom" and it's less-than-appealing acronym aren't exactly progressive alternatives to Homemaker. Contrary to the connotation, I have been known to venture into the world with and without my child, since I left the 9 to 5 world behind. I'm not a Victorian shut-in, for crying out loud. Of course, "Housewife" sounds terrible -- I'm no longer merely stuck in my house, as SAHM implies; I'm married to it. I'm certainly not a "Domestic Goddess" either. I don't define myself by my domesticity, nor could I call myself a goddess with a straight face.
On the flip side, I'm not considered a "Working Mom", which seems to suggest I sit at home watching talk shows all day. Or that I need to get paid for what I do all day, in order for it to be considered a meaningful contribution to society. Still, I wouldn't call myself a Working Mom, even if I could get away with it. Yes, caring for children is work. But Claire is a human being and my daughter, not a job.
Nothing's just right. We need to rebrand people.
I like to think of myself as "a woman who left her paying job to care for her child". That description represents my reality more accurately, but it certainly isn't very PR-friendly. My brain hurts trying to remember it or give proper consideration to an appropriate acronym. The term would not have fit on an IRS form either.
Claire calls me "Mama". I've become quite partial to being identified by that term. I think next year I'm going to put "Mama" on the tax return. Done. I'll leave the rebranding to the career women out there...
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I read this series set in the near-future, and the parents who don't work outside of the home are called "Professional Mothers (or Fathers)", and are actually given an income, because in the near future, the powers that be can see the benefit to such things, and reward it with money.
ReplyDeleteI love that you included fathers!! I like this future you write about.
DeleteOnce again, Tea, you are the best. That's why I call myself Young Urban Professional Mom! :)
DeleteI was going to suggest "child rearer" but it kind of sounds like you're raising them like you would chickens or sheep.
ReplyDeleteha, ha! Maybe, child whisperer!
DeleteI'm partial to the term Domestic Engineer, or I used to list myself as our household's CEO for fun on Facebook. The IRS most definitely needs to get out of the 1950s...
ReplyDeleteCEO sounds like way too much responsibility to me!
DeleteI too get called "momma" now and funny enough just wrote a post about that one last week!! Seriously, though they need to come up with a better term then what they have now and would be all up for suggestions!!
ReplyDeleteYes, mama! Simple. I like it.
Delete"Or that I need to get paid for what I do all day, in order for it to be considered a meaningful contribution to society."
ReplyDeleteYeah, we're gluttons for punishment- that can apply to being a blogger too.
I think you picked the perfect title- Mama says it all. BB2U
ha, ha! Thank you, Mama!
DeleteHomemaker. It really does seem like such an outdated term!
ReplyDeleteOutdated is a good word to me. I just wish there were a better alternative!
DeleteExcellent post! I'm not a fan of being labeled as a "homemaker" either. There are so many assumptions about what I do and what my expertise is under this label. I have a degree in professional writing and was working on my Master's Degree. I chose to leave grad school to be a home with my daughter.
ReplyDeleteThe word "chose" is operative to me.
DeleteI love this! I too have spent much time trying to think of a new way to describe us. I am at a loss, but I do enjoy it when the children and husband call me Lord High Muckity Muck or even Roost Ruler. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm changing your name form JJ to RR!
DeleteOh that's easy Rachel...we should be called "Wonder Woman", with cape and cute body sculpting uniform included! :D Have a lovely week!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Michell, that's perfect.
DeleteInteresting post! The dictionary says a homemaker is simply someone who's primary occupation is the care and management of their house. To me a homemaker is some one who spends their days taking care of their family. We are all homemakers There is no negative connotation there. We add those on our own.
ReplyDeleteWe are all moms, all simply doing what is best for our families. The labels are irrelevant, perhaps needed for governmental red tape, but useless in the real world.
Holly at Not Done Growing
My primary occupation is not care and management of my home. If that were the case, I would be fired. My husband would agree! If that works for other people, that's cool with me.
DeleteHomemaker, stay at home mom, housewife....they all work me, personally. There just words to me, none of them can fully define what mothers or wives do. I do think they sum it up, a home maker is defined as a person who manages the household of his or her own family, especially as a principal occupation. ( yeah, that's me. The manger of my family.) Housewife is defined as a married woman who manages her own household, especially as her principal occupation.
ReplyDeleteNot difference really, I am these things. Married-check, take care of my family and home-check, is this my main "job" or is it my main priority in life....yes, yes it is. To me, mama says the same things. We all do and view things differently, if we didn't then the world would be a boring place. Then again, I also believe that we put way to much meaning into words and get a bit to wrapped up in others meanings of them. :) I say to each their own.
I completely agree with you that words cannot define all that we do. Michell, said Wonder Woman above. I like that too! I can tell you that I do not care for my house as my primary occupation, though. If that were true, I would be failing at my job. You can ask my husband! That said, if others want to, that's cool with me.
Delete'Mama' is the sweetest, most rewarding title I can think of for what we 'do.' You did good. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for the IRS...I think you're right, they don't care what we're called, so long as we pay before the deadline(or with interest after it). :)
Could not agree more!
DeleteI find it interesting that you note that there is not a more 'progressive' term for what us Moms do in the home. I find it interesting because I don't find the idea progressive at all. There is nothing modern nor hip about Mothers being home with their children. This is how it was done for centuries before the 'fad' if you will of woman in the workplace started. Recently it's been a trend that you find more women choosing to leave their jobs behind when their children arrive. I've got no problem with women in the workplace or SAHMs. I've done both.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there will be updated terms for this because they do their job well and any negative connotation you attach to them is yours, not the words. Stay at home mom (SAHM) is a mother who stays home as opposed to going to work. Homemaker is actually my favorite. How can you not love the very literal idea of making your home for your family?
I guess I didn't do a good job explaining what I mean by "progressive". Sorry. Women in the past, had no choice in the matter but to stay home. And these words do continue to have this connotation to me. If you like the word homemaker, I think that's great. I don't. I am not that great at making a home. It does not apply to me.
DeleteWomen in the workplace is a "fad"? Hmmmm. Not sure I like *that* connotation.
DeleteI call it a fad in the broadest of terms. It's a relatively new concept when you consider how long women have been having babies. Moms were not working out of the home say 100 years ago. And I feel like it peaked from about 1980-2000 and now we start to see more Moms staying home again. Do I think that we'll completely revert and see all women back at home? No. I don't think that's a healthy turn. So to each their own. I'm just calling it how I see it.
DeleteA fad is something that happens in passing and usually has frivolous roots, neither of which applies in this case.
DeleteHave you considered that "how you see it" may, in fact, be a product of the very unequal culture in which you (and all of us) were brought up?
Homemaker (or housewife as we are expected to "refer" to oursleves in England) is as you say pretty insulting - it simply doesn't cover even a quarter of what we do, nor does it imply that it is a role undertaken by choice and careful consideration.
ReplyDeleteYou make your point beautifully.
Have a lovely week.
Kate x
Kate at Home
Thank you. I agree!
DeleteI agree with the PP that has no problems with any of the terms. I think "homemaker" sounds best to me though. Those who have been in the position of staying home with children know what is involved and those who don't probably won't understand no matter how much you explain. That's why I don't worry about the label too much. I am an old fashioned, Christian mama and I am happy to be so. The idea may not be "progressive" at all, but I believe I am doing what I am meant, and what I want to do.
ReplyDeleteOn another not, before I had children, I was a substitue teacher, and my uncle who does our taxes continues to put "teacher" in my "occupation" spot. I thought about correcting, but figured why bother? Am I not still a teacher now? :-)
You are very right. No term could explain what it is that we do. And, yes! You are still a teacher. Love that!
DeleteWhatever. It doesn't matter - I just wish I got a bit of money for it.
ReplyDeleteWell, I get paid in kisses and smiles, so that's alright I guess.
I would prefer to be called Lisa. It's a four letter word - so simple. I answer to it every single time.
Mom works too.
I never considered myself a housewife, cause I need to clean for that. I am not good at cleaning.
I blog, but not too sure if I'm good at that, so I don't call myself a blogger.
I'm good at raising and teaching my kids - so Mom works for me. I'm a Mom.
:)
Thanks for the post!
Mama is best of all!
DeleteMy friend and I always talk about how there is a huge difference between being a stay-at-home-mom (which, again, I hate that term -- I'm never home) and a housewife.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy taking care of my son in a way that some women do not. I completely understand not liking the quotidian and mundane tasks of feeding, bathing and playing with a tot. I happen to enjoy it (mostly - ha!).
But I hate housework. Let me emphasize that a little more: I HATE HOUSEWORK. Cleaning the bathroom is my personal nightmare and it just makes me mad. I've found that I don't even like cooking that much, difficult as it is to admit.
So, yeah. There's a difference. One is difficult and makes me happy. The other is difficult and makes me want to rip my hair out.
Hey Rach, here's a post I wrote on this topic waaaay back in October!
Deletehttp://www.urbanmoocow.com/2012/10/housework-makes-me-want-to-scream.html
As one who has been there, done it, and now find myself on my own as the children have flown the coop and my husband died last year, I can sympathise with all the sentiments expressed. As far as I am concerned, I was a Home Maker for nearly 43 years until left on my own, and I continue to be a Home Maker (for myself and children when they visit) now.
ReplyDeleteReally, it's all in the mind, isn't it?
Jolly good post though, and I enjoyed the comments too!
I find that the people who are saying it doesn't matter what your called are the ones comfortable with "Homemaker" and the like. What if you aren't?
DeleteMama is a good one. I hate labels! Why are we so obsessed with what people do for a living and putting labels on them. Meh. I'm Mami along with many other things. Great post.
ReplyDeleteJai @ Mami's Time Out
I don't like the labels either. We are not one-size-fits-all mamas!
DeleteI guess you could always break down the job and list your occupation as Chauffeur, Chef, Coach, Maid, Laundress, Personal Assistant, Internal Affairs Auditor, Purchasing Manager, Therapist, Decorator, Stylist, Nutritionist, Gardener, Teacher, and Professor of Religious Studies...but then the IRS may wonder why you aren't making more money. You could always write "Blogger." ;)
ReplyDeleteha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
DeleteYou should make yourself mama on your tax form next year! Maybe one of these days we will get a better tax credit for being just that ... a mama!
ReplyDeleteI have always heard Domestic Engineer ~ it pretty much encompasses everything that we mamas do!!
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(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
www.raising-reagan.com
Hi pretty girl ... I nominated you for the Beautiful Mama Blog Award. Details are on my blog today!
DeleteCongratulations!! :)
http://raising-reagan.com/2013/04/17/a-beautiful-mama/
¤´¨)
¸.•*´
(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
www.raising-reagan.com
I'm not all that domestic, though!
DeleteFew words resonate so beautifully in the ear as "Mamma."
ReplyDeleteYes!
DeleteMama it is.
ReplyDeleteI've never really thought of the meanings behind these terms before, specifically housewife. It's absurd.
Housewife does not work for me.
DeleteBeing married to a soldier means you are given a call sign. The Army labels everything. Wives are referred to as HH6 which stands for HouseHold6. I had it embroidered on an apron with two ranks higher then my husband!
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed your post!
I LOVE this comment! I really, really want you to write a longer post about it!
DeleteI don't mind any of the terms b/c I make sure that everyone (including the hubs) knows how much I do all day, whether at work or at home. "Oh, you had a rough day, Sweetie Pie? Well, SUCK IT, b/c I had to..." (insert all that the kids and I did today, plus the couple of part-time jobs I have in order to be able to stay home at least part of the day with the kids). Now they just call me "awesome." Okay, dammit, not really, but wouldn't it be cool if they did?? :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like "drill sergeant" would sum that up! :)
DeleteThis is so interesting! I do hate the term housewife, it's so outdated! SAHM is fine with me.
ReplyDeleteHi! Stopping by from Mom Bloggers Club. Great blog!
Have a nice day!
Whatever works for people!
DeleteI think after being a mama, you should say your occupation isn't "housewife"...it's WRITER because you are so good at it!
ReplyDeleteAw, beyond sweet, Marcia!
DeletePerfect. Mama. Actually I have started telling people that I am a writer and I stay at home with my boy. Cause I am and I do. Mostly I write and the boy takes care of himself, but don't tell anyone.
ReplyDeleteHa! Love that the boy takes care of himself. Wish mine did...and the writing too...
DeleteYou SHOULD rebrand it! But be way creative. You know what? I can't even make a creative suggestion because I'm not creative. Should we hire someone for this task?
ReplyDeleteYou should be happy you can stay home and enjoy each moment. Don't let anyone make you feel differently!
And then please send your husband to my house to do my taxes next year. I'll even make him a meatloaf!
Sounds perfect, Lisa! Thank you for the offer. :)
DeleteMum's work harder than anyone! But the rewards are far greater than any salary...!
ReplyDeleteCJ x
Amen!
DeleteI love the description 'A woman who left her paying job to take care of her child.' Perhaps we should put our heads together and come up with a list of acceptable titles we're happy with?
ReplyDeleteI know, right!
Deletehonest to god, I was thinking the same exact thing this week. We traveled across the border and the customs officer asked me what I did for a living. I stumbled over my words and ended up telling him that I was just unemployed. I don't really know what to call myself. Weird.
ReplyDeleteThat just isn't ok, damnit! Why do we have to stumble over our words like that?
DeleteI am sick to death of referring to myself as a stay at home mom or a SAHM. I'd love a new word to describe myself. Let me know if you come up with one. Visting from PYHO.
ReplyDeleteI'm not having much luck!
DeleteI am that "working" mom and always think, staying home would be a lot more work and a lot more rewarding. If not fiscally in the cards right now. How about next year you put your occupation down as: Creator/author!
ReplyDeleteThat is the best one yet, Kerri!
DeleteI love being a SAHM.. Love everything about it.. Seriously, I was born in the wrong era.. The 50's housewife, with the perfect hair, pearls, heels, meat and potatoes on the table, and spotless home? Ahh bliss!
ReplyDeleteIn reality though, I can't walk in heels, potatoes have too much sugar, and my home is full of teenage boys so it's never spotless..
Such is life..
Yeah, that's the problem. Reality is NEVER like the picture. And then we just feel bad about ourselves for not being perfect. Not ok with me!
Deletemen are never viewed as "Working Dads" are they?
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY!!!!!
DeleteUrban Moo Cow pointed me here and I'm glad she did. You have a very cool blog, and I absolutely feel you on this post!
ReplyDelete