Being a mom is often like being the White House Press Secretary. Both jobs require spending a lot of time fielding questions and/or requests, then figuring out how to snow your public by massaging the truth a bit.
Fortunately, the creative spin that a mom does on a daily basis isn't as dangerous as that of the White House. No, moms don't sit around conference tables coming up with ridiculous phrases like WMD's on a regular basis.
I've noticed that the type of propaganda I push on my kid has to do with temporal markers, such as:
1. When I say "LATER", I really mean "I'm hoping you'll just forget your request, or find a toy to distract you."
2. "MAYBE" actually translates to "NEVER".
3. Saying "SOON" means "Bug your father about that when he gets home."
4. In the bathroom, I say, "I NEED A MINUTE." Translation: "I need an hour…a day…a week, maybe. A minute will suffice."
5. "HOLD ON" is shorthand for "Take it down a notch, if you want me to handle your request in a timely fashion."
6. When we're in the car and I say, "FIVE MINUTES until we're there", I know Claire actually hears "ETERNITY". I'm just hoping that my "FIVE MINUTES" will buy me another FIVE MINUTES before she loses it again.
7. It's truly dire, when I say "ALMOST THERE!" in the car. The toddler translation is "Get me out of this car NOW!" Mama's thinking "Get me the F@#K out of this car NOW!"
8. Toddlers can get in on the action too, though…when I say, "NEVER touch that electrical outlet", I really mean "NEVER". My daughter thinks that "NEVER" is a suggestion to "Wait until mom's not watching."
We often perceive time the same way, though. When we say, "I LOVE YOU", we both know that we mean "ALWAYS and FOREVER".
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Hahaha ... this is SO TRUE!
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(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
www.raising-reagan.com
You get in on the action too, Lanaya?!
DeleteNever = when mom's not watching. Truth. LOL
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, yes!
DeleteThere's a comparison I never thought of before. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you, Sarah!
DeleteLol, seriously say these and then some. Great job Rachel!!! :)
ReplyDeleteSo I'm not alone, Janine?!
DeleteMy son is wise to my 'in a minute,' these days, which leaves me trying to think up a new spin.
ReplyDeleteAnd awww, on your ending. You're right, they do always get that one (and we do too). :)
Let me know what you come up with...
DeleteNumber 5 is a frequently heard phrase around here, lol. Hold On or Wait a Minute, they mean the same thing, which, as you said, is, take it down a notch. Or 10. :) Love the list.
ReplyDeleteYes, 10 would be good too!
DeleteHA! Allie has figured put my code for...let me think about it. Translates to not on your life!
ReplyDeleteThey get smart fast!
DeleteSweet, that last line. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat I find disturbing about this is that I think my husband uses it on me.... hmmmm.....
Wise up, girl! ;)
DeleteI love this! Brilliant! And the last line made me say AWWW in a huge awesome way. Also? WTF is up with the outlets and my kid never accepts "wait, in a minute." It's always a manipulative game where he knows he wins with his words of "come here" because they just weeks ago sounded like "eee dat!" So. I come here, all the freaking time.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Rachel.
Thanks, Kristi! And yup!
DeleteI remember saying #2 to my mom: "Aw, Mom! Anytime you say 'maybe,' it means 'never'!!"
ReplyDeleteYou were too smart! ;)
DeleteYou just have to change things up once in a while. Later, Maybe, and Soon, can all be interchanged with "One of these days"; and "one of these days" works well on husbands, bosses, and coworkers too.
ReplyDeleteTouche!
DeleteOh, you are SO right! A lot of those lines are in my toddler-mom lexicon too. What a funny post, and so true!
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm not alone, then!
DeleteIt's when you start coming out with stuff like this that you realise you sound just like your own mum!!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately my twin teens have fathomed out every response I'm likely to give and always catch me out!!
Yeah, they will always outsmart us old folks!
DeleteMaybe really does mean never! X
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not alone!
DeleteThese are all so very true. I so remember one little guy that could suck up every second of my life. He'll be 43 this year. I like being older and retired.
ReplyDeleteHave a terrific day and thanks for your visit. ☺
Ha! There are days that I wish I were in your shoes!
DeleteThis is EXACTLY what I do, absolutely and utterly. :) x
ReplyDeleteIt must be in the genes, or something!
DeleteHilarious and SO true! I am a big user of HOLD ON and MAYBE. It has to be done x
ReplyDeleteYes, it does have to be done! No two ways about it.
DeleteOh yes, and the problem is they learn it from us! The #funee before yours on the linky shows exactly the opposite side of this problem! :)
ReplyDeleteWe will eventually always get outsmarted.
DeleteNailed it! I say all of these things too...and I mean them exactly the way you actually mean them too. Perfect last sentence :)
ReplyDeleteI am honored to be just like you, Meredith! :)
DeleteI know what you're saying with most of these too! It's tough when they get older and figure out what most of those responses mean, and then I get things like, "When you say not right now, you mean never" :)
ReplyDeleteWe will always eventually be outsmarted!
DeleteSpin, spin, spin! I didn't realise until my daughter was a toddler quite how much good stead my former career in PR had set me in!! I also spin on myself - just one more chocolate won't really count...
ReplyDeleteOooo, I bet you have some good ones...
DeleteVery funny and all so true :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha love this post! I spit out later so much it should be my middle name hahaha
ReplyDeleteMaureen "Later" Hitpeuw...it has a nice ring.
DeleteI think almost all of these (with the exception of "ask your father") can also apply to husbands. And believe me, I use these on my husband too.
ReplyDeleteI read you anyway, but I linked up to you today from the Pink Momma blog hop! :-)
Ha! Love that! I don't think my husband would buy it.
Deleteoh...so sooooo true!!!!
ReplyDeleteApparently, I'm not alone!
DeleteHilarious!! and very true.I remember those phrases all too well when my son was small.
ReplyDeleteIt must be a mom gene!
DeleteThis made me giggle! I am guilty of saying many on the list :)
ReplyDeleteMisery loves company!
DeleteNail
ReplyDeleteHead
Hit
The End
Thank
DeleteYou
The End
Bwahahahaha this is hilarious. I need to think about what my truth massaged words are - I'm guessing many of mine will be temporal too. You have a great list. Bizarrely Goblin doesn't bug us much with the whole "are we nearly there yet" thing. Its one of the things we don't spin. We just say "No, you'll know when we are there because the car will stop".
ReplyDeleteI'm sharing this post on the Sunday Parenting Party pinterest board
Thank you! I love the very logical response to the question. What could he possibly say?
DeleteI'm featuring this cos it made me laugh - I might as well just give you a regular slot on SPP
DeleteThis is spot on!!! I was shaking my head yes with each one I read. hehe
ReplyDeleteSo glad you came and linked up at my Monday mingle hop!! I'm following via bloglovin' :)
Yes, I've decided it's a mom gene.
DeleteYES! So funny how moms seem to have an instinctual dialogue code. WHPS is the perfect analogy and I loved your closing line. What a sweet and funny post!
ReplyDeleteYeah, right! I love that...and instinctual dialogue code.
DeleteAn excellent glossary of mummy time markers!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Judith!
DeleteToo funny but so true!
ReplyDeleteMel S
http://twomomsalittletimeandakeyboard.blogspot.com
Welcome to the White House!
Deletethis so made me laugh! fab!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jaime!
DeleteThat's so great! Really did make me laugh. Love how we all speak the same spin. :) x
ReplyDeleteI've decided it's a mom gene!
DeleteLove, love, love this post! Literally made me LOL. I found you on the Bloggy Mom's May Blog Hop. I'm at www.NoSkinnies.com. I hope you'll stop by!
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