Monday, April 29, 2013

Spin City

Dana Perino

Being a mom is often like being the White House Press Secretary. Both jobs require spending a lot of time fielding questions and/or requests, then figuring out how to snow your public by massaging the truth a bit.

Fortunately, the creative spin that a mom does on a daily basis isn't as dangerous as that of the White House. No, moms don't sit around conference tables coming up with ridiculous phrases like WMD's on a regular basis.

I've noticed that the type of propaganda I push on my kid has to do with temporal markers, such as:

1. When I say "LATER", I really mean "I'm hoping you'll just forget your request, or find a toy to distract you."

2. "MAYBE" actually translates to "NEVER".

3. Saying "SOON" means "Bug your father about that when he gets home."

4. In the bathroom, I say, "I NEED A MINUTE." Translation: "I need an hour…a day…a week, maybe. A minute will suffice."

5. "HOLD ON" is shorthand for "Take it down a notch, if you want me to handle your request in a timely fashion."

6. When we're in the car and I say, "FIVE MINUTES until we're there", I know Claire actually hears "ETERNITY".  I'm just hoping that my "FIVE MINUTES" will buy me another FIVE MINUTES before she loses it again.

7. It's truly dire, when I say "ALMOST THERE!" in the car. The toddler translation is "Get me out of this car NOW!" Mama's thinking "Get me the F@#K out of this car NOW!"

8. Toddlers can get in on the action too, though…when I say, "NEVER touch that electrical outlet", I really mean "NEVER". My daughter thinks that "NEVER" is a suggestion to "Wait until mom's not watching."

We often perceive time the same way, though. When we say, "I LOVE YOU", we both know that we mean "ALWAYS and FOREVER".


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72 comments:

  1. Hahaha ... this is SO TRUE!

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    www.raising-reagan.com

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    1. You get in on the action too, Lanaya?!

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  2. Never = when mom's not watching. Truth. LOL

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  3. There's a comparison I never thought of before. Brilliant!

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  4. Lol, seriously say these and then some. Great job Rachel!!! :)

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  5. My son is wise to my 'in a minute,' these days, which leaves me trying to think up a new spin.

    And awww, on your ending. You're right, they do always get that one (and we do too). :)

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  6. Number 5 is a frequently heard phrase around here, lol. Hold On or Wait a Minute, they mean the same thing, which, as you said, is, take it down a notch. Or 10. :) Love the list.

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  7. HA! Allie has figured put my code for...let me think about it. Translates to not on your life!

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  8. Sweet, that last line. :)

    What I find disturbing about this is that I think my husband uses it on me.... hmmmm.....

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  9. I love this! Brilliant! And the last line made me say AWWW in a huge awesome way. Also? WTF is up with the outlets and my kid never accepts "wait, in a minute." It's always a manipulative game where he knows he wins with his words of "come here" because they just weeks ago sounded like "eee dat!" So. I come here, all the freaking time.
    Great post, Rachel.

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  10. I remember saying #2 to my mom: "Aw, Mom! Anytime you say 'maybe,' it means 'never'!!"

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  11. You just have to change things up once in a while. Later, Maybe, and Soon, can all be interchanged with "One of these days"; and "one of these days" works well on husbands, bosses, and coworkers too.

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  12. Oh, you are SO right! A lot of those lines are in my toddler-mom lexicon too. What a funny post, and so true!

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  13. It's when you start coming out with stuff like this that you realise you sound just like your own mum!!
    Unfortunately my twin teens have fathomed out every response I'm likely to give and always catch me out!!

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    1. Yeah, they will always outsmart us old folks!

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  14. These are all so very true. I so remember one little guy that could suck up every second of my life. He'll be 43 this year. I like being older and retired.

    Have a terrific day and thanks for your visit. ☺

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    1. Ha! There are days that I wish I were in your shoes!

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  15. This is EXACTLY what I do, absolutely and utterly. :) x

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    1. It must be in the genes, or something!

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  16. Hilarious and SO true! I am a big user of HOLD ON and MAYBE. It has to be done x

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    1. Yes, it does have to be done! No two ways about it.

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  17. Oh yes, and the problem is they learn it from us! The #funee before yours on the linky shows exactly the opposite side of this problem! :)

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    1. We will eventually always get outsmarted.

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  18. Nailed it! I say all of these things too...and I mean them exactly the way you actually mean them too. Perfect last sentence :)

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    1. I am honored to be just like you, Meredith! :)

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  19. I know what you're saying with most of these too! It's tough when they get older and figure out what most of those responses mean, and then I get things like, "When you say not right now, you mean never" :)

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    1. We will always eventually be outsmarted!

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  20. Spin, spin, spin! I didn't realise until my daughter was a toddler quite how much good stead my former career in PR had set me in!! I also spin on myself - just one more chocolate won't really count...

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    1. Oooo, I bet you have some good ones...

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  21. Very funny and all so true :)

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  22. Hahaha love this post! I spit out later so much it should be my middle name hahaha

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    1. Maureen "Later" Hitpeuw...it has a nice ring.

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  23. I think almost all of these (with the exception of "ask your father") can also apply to husbands. And believe me, I use these on my husband too.

    I read you anyway, but I linked up to you today from the Pink Momma blog hop! :-)

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    1. Ha! Love that! I don't think my husband would buy it.

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  24. Hilarious!! and very true.I remember those phrases all too well when my son was small.

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  25. This made me giggle! I am guilty of saying many on the list :)

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  26. Bwahahahaha this is hilarious. I need to think about what my truth massaged words are - I'm guessing many of mine will be temporal too. You have a great list. Bizarrely Goblin doesn't bug us much with the whole "are we nearly there yet" thing. Its one of the things we don't spin. We just say "No, you'll know when we are there because the car will stop".
    I'm sharing this post on the Sunday Parenting Party pinterest board

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    1. Thank you! I love the very logical response to the question. What could he possibly say?

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    2. I'm featuring this cos it made me laugh - I might as well just give you a regular slot on SPP

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  27. This is spot on!!! I was shaking my head yes with each one I read. hehe
    So glad you came and linked up at my Monday mingle hop!! I'm following via bloglovin' :)

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  28. YES! So funny how moms seem to have an instinctual dialogue code. WHPS is the perfect analogy and I loved your closing line. What a sweet and funny post!

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    1. Yeah, right! I love that...and instinctual dialogue code.

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  29. An excellent glossary of mummy time markers!

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  30. Too funny but so true!

    Mel S
    http://twomomsalittletimeandakeyboard.blogspot.com

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  31. That's so great! Really did make me laugh. Love how we all speak the same spin. :) x

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  32. Love, love, love this post! Literally made me LOL. I found you on the Bloggy Mom's May Blog Hop. I'm at www.NoSkinnies.com. I hope you'll stop by!

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