Spin City

Being a mom is often like being the White House Press Secretary. Both jobs require spending a lot of time fielding questions and/or requests, then figuring out how to snow your public by massaging the truth a bit.

Fortunately, the creative spin that a mom does on a daily basis isn't as dangerous as that of the White House. No, moms don't sit around conference tables coming up with ridiculous phrases like WMD's on a regular basis.

I've noticed that the type of propaganda I push on my kid has to do with temporal markers, such as:

1. When I say "LATER", I really mean "I'm hoping you'll just forget your request, or find a toy to distract you."

2. "MAYBE" actually translates to "NEVER".

3. Saying "SOON" means "Bug your father about that when he gets home."

4. In the bathroom, I say, "I NEED A MINUTE." Translation: "I need an hour…a day…a week, maybe. A minute will suffice."

5. "HOLD ON" is shorthand for "Take it down a notch, if you want me to handle your request in a timely fashion."

6. When we're in the car and I say, "FIVE MINUTES until we're there", I know Claire actually hears "ETERNITY".  I'm just hoping that my "FIVE MINUTES" will buy me another FIVE MINUTES before she loses it again.

7. It's truly dire, when I say "ALMOST THERE!" in the car. The toddler translation is "Get me out of this car NOW!" Mama's thinking "Get me the F@#K out of this car NOW!"

8. Toddlers can get in on the action too, though…when I say, "NEVER touch that electrical outlet", I really mean "NEVER". My daughter thinks that "NEVER" is a suggestion to "Wait until mom's not watching."

We often perceive time the same way, though. When we say, "I LOVE YOU", we both know that we mean "ALWAYS and FOREVER".


Connect with: Bloglovin', FB, Twitter, G+, Pinterest

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

My little one is old enough for little white lies. She's not the one doing the lying. I am (hangs head in shame at this now public confession).

All of the sudden, my baby is a person who can understand others, have conversations and express her needs...which means I have begun to lie to her. It certainly wasn't part of my plan. My lying seems to have developed out of expediency…

When she wants to visit the neighbor's daughter and I don't feel like it..."Jane's at school right now" (on a weekend).

When she wants to watch Elmo on my smartphone for the thousandth time..."The phone's not working" (someday, it's going to ring at the same time I'm expressing this falsehood).

When she asks for a cookie..."they're all gone" (not really, just not interested in a sugar high right now and/or more for me later).

When she wants to go to the indoor pool at my gym..."The pool is closed" (way too much hassle to take her to the pool every time she asks). 

I could go on. There are more. And I have an overarching rationalization for them all. It's just that I reprimand her and say "no" so much during the day…."stay out of the garbage", "the markers aren't for furniture", "you can't come up on me while I'm cooking"…on and on.

Why not make a few of the "no's" not about her or me? Why not blame some of the "no's" on an external source? She seems to like these other reasons better too, which means fewer power struggles and tantrums.

That's better for both of us, right? 

But I know there are insidious downsides to this philosophy too. When she's a bit older, she's going to catch on and I'm gonna get busted in a lie. Talk about undermining my own authority. I don't think I'm ready for that interaction. Eventually, I'm going to have to really tell her the truth, which is that "mama sometimes says no, and you have to listen whether you like it or not". I'm merely delaying the inevitability of this stoic life lesson. 

And, ethically, can you ever really get away with a lie? I'm not sure. 

I don't know if I'm strong enough to be take a more ethically pure stance on this issue right now, though. It seems so much easier to tell her what we both want to hear. 

Connect with: FB, Twitter, G+, Pinterest

 Photo Source: Stallio, Flickr, this photo has been altered and does not suggest the licenser endorses it or this blog.
 License