"Don't even think about it, jerk!"…"What in the world was that move for?"…"Expletive, Expletive…and big.giant. EXPLETIVE!!!"
Maybe, I'm talking to a telemarketer? Nope. Customer service? Good guess, but no. You'll be relieved to know my daughter is not the target of my venom either.
I'm not talking to anyone, per se. I'm yelling at cars whizzing around me so recklessly that you'd think we were in a race of some sort.
This persona of mine, which resembles an obnoxious loudmouth, rears its ugly head in New York City traffic. I call it my achilles heel on wheels.
If anything could justify my temporary insanity, it would be operating a motor vehicle in this city. It's an unwritten rule that you drive like a maniac, or risk getting run off the road. But the operative word is drive. It doesn't mean I need to act like a maniac also.
In fact, now that I have fragile cargo riding behind me, I should be doing neither.
Sometimes, I need reminding…"Mama was mad," Claire says as I lift her out of her carseat at the end of the trip. She sounds so matter of fact when she says it. She almost sounds like she feels compassion for me. I pick her up and melt. Melt at how sweet she is, and how awful I feel for subjecting her to my craziness. She was so quiet in the back, while I was having my temper tantrum behind the wheel. I wonder if I scared her, or if she's imprinting my antics on her brain as the way to behave while driving (or anywhere else for that matter).
Both are unacceptable to me, and I feel about as tall as she is in this moment.
If there were ever a reason to stop, Claire would be it.
My bad habit will be hard to kick though. I've been driving in NYC for over 20 years now, and, unfortunately, you do need a bit of adrenalin pumping and/or large cojones to match wits with cabbies, delivery trucks, and the many other aces who think they are Mario Andretti.
I can do it though! I might not win the race, but I'll certainly get the prize.
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Photo Source: Cyclops-Unicorn, Deviant Art