Sunday, November 18, 2012

"F" is for Friend



A guy I know keeps a glass jar on the top of his refrigerator marked “Potty Mouth”. Whenever he curses, he puts a dollar in it for charity. I need one too, or at least a precocious eight-year-old thinks I do:

“You just said a bad word,” George’s little cousin says to me (with the intent of an interrogator).

“Shit,” I think, replaying the dinner conversation in my head....“What’d I say?” I ask with trepidation.

“You said ‘stupid’,” Mary Louise says.

“Phew, ‘not as bad as I thought’,” I think.

“Well,” I didactically explain. “I didn’t call a person stupid; what I did was call something they did stupid and that really isn’t that bad.” 

(I remember learning that somewhere as a youngster, right? Back me up here, folks!)

Mary Louise listens patiently. But she isn’t buying my backpedaling. She gives me the blank stare of an eight-year-old. The look says “my world is and will continue to be black and white until I’m well beyond a teenager, so don’t waste your breath”.

I feel about two feet tall. And speaking of two feet tall, Claire is now in the full-blown mimicking stage. 

“Un, do, tree, foo”, she says, sounding like Buckwheat (only way cuter), and having no clue that she’s actually counting….Hence the thought of a jar that penalizes you. 

Mary Louise made me realize how much kids are actually listening -- even when you think they’re not. So instead of thinking about Claire using the potty, I'm worrying about my potty mouth. Of course, I want to be a good role model, which means I'm minding my P’s and Q’s. 

And F’s! That’s my favorite one…the F word. It’s versatile -- can be used in a number of ways, as different parts of speech. I often use it as a modifier, replacing words like ‘very’. 

So F and I are breaking up. He’s a bad influence. It’s going to be hard for me. If you’ve read my bio, you know I am a mom of a “certain age”. The F-word has been a companion for a f-ing…oh wait, I mean, very long time. 

The good news is that some charity will be the benefactor of my bad habit. Let me know your favorite one. I just might consider writing a check ahead of time…


Have a confession? Link up with Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday.

33 comments:

  1. I'm starting to get used to the f word not being my best friend, not out loud anyway! I have one parrot(child) that I am surprised hasn't picked up on it, thank god!

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    1. We can't be persecuted for our thoughts, at least not yet. My problem is the the length of time between my brain and mouth is too short!

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  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  3. I would be broke if I started that!!

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  4. Good luck! I think if anything having kids has made me swear more... not something I'm proud of, but when moments like this happen: http://nothingbythebook.com/2012/04/01/why-parents-swear/ over and over again, the F word seems ever-so appropriate!

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  5. My daughter is always telling me, "That's not a polite word, mommy! Don't say that!" It's hard to break old habits...

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  6. i don't think we're ever too old for the "swear jar".

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    1. A "swear jar" -- so there's a term for it. I've never heard that before. Good to know!

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  7. It's such a different ballgame when your kids start repeating what you say! I am trying so hard to be so careful...here's to mining those Ps and Qs--and "F"s ;)

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  8. The F bomb has always been my personal favorite, but my kids (now older) have never heard me utter that word---I'm a "private" potty mouth. I just replace it around them with "friggin". Now if my husband kept a potty mouth jar when he was around me, we would have had enough money by now for a vacation to Hawaii!

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    1. Wow, you have great will power. What's your secret??

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  9. OMG. Or should I say, OMFG. I need to start weaning myself, like, pronto. Both my husband and I are terrible. Also my sister. My niece (3yo) recently said to her father, "omg daddy i'm so fucking tired." Ooops.

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    1. Ha! That is SO honest of your sister to air the dirty laundry! Gotta respect that!

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  10. Oh, I love swearing. It is one of the hardest habits to break, in my opinion. My daughter doesn't seem too concerned when one slips out, but she did accuse me of using the "s" and "h" words recently. Hate and stupid. That's right.

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    1. I think little kids must secretly love it when we slip up!

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  11. Crap. I've been swearing a lot more (and far more expressively) since watching Dexter (thanks to his sister, Deb). I think Dora is too young to pick up on the few I've let slip.. Hope so.

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    1. God gives us time to get our act together!

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  12. I (mostly) stopped using the f-word when my first was around Claire's age because... well, she said it. Banner parenting moment, let me tell you. Except, under some serious stress this past year it slipped out a few times. Until one day my first, now 7-years-old, dropped the f-bomb again quite appropriately in anger toward her sister. I have (mostly) stopped again. Thank goodness she has a sense of discretion and never said it in front of anyone or out of the house!

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    1. I really, really doubt I will ever be stone cold sober of the f-bomb! I guess the practical conclusion is to try and "keep it in the family"!

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  13. Haha! Good luck! :D

    Just the other day, my son (5) was explaining with these exact words, "This thing is f**ked up!" I was surprised and said, "Did you just say a bad word?" He then responded with, "Ooops, I should have said that this thing is fricked up."

    Oh dear... I guess I had better watch my potty mouth as well.

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    1. Do you think he learned it from you? I don't know. It's probably just as likely it came from an outside source, unfortunately!

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  14. Aw, I made a comment and it got removed? :-( Did I say something too potty mouthish?

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  15. I would be so broke. Really. That's my go to word aside from Eh.
    Oh kids.
    PS. If you link up to my confession posts, can you pretty please make a mention of it in your post? It would make me happy

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    1. Done! Love your link up. Again, it's: http://www.makemommygosomethingsomething.com/

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  16. I have such a potty mouth. It is awful. I swear I am starting to do the jar where I have to put in money when I curse. I have been better but only after I said the F word and Hayley repeated it. That was the end of it all! Never again!! Sure I say that now,lol!

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  17. I think the jar is a great idea!

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  18. I was trained out of swearing when I was teaching... swearing in front of my class was instant dismissal!

    These days a LOT of swear words have crept back in to my vocab and been passed on to my kids... oppps. Oh well it did make me laugh when my then 3 year old walked around the supermarket singing 'bugger shit bum poo f-ing f-er-f f f!"

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